19.1.2013 – Multiplicity of action
A response is necessary to a point of learning. That is the nature of progress.
The notion that working rather than thinking is no doubt the solution. being smart about that work of course. There is grace in action.
It is the advice that I gave myself when faced with three empty chairs. It is the advice that comes up more than any other. (Thank you Lottie for your thoughtful comment! Another reinforcement )
Responding to multiplicity with multiplicity. I made a start. Painful and awkward though it felt. Canvases begun in an automatic and instinctive way. Designed to set challenges and puzzles for resolution rather than the building expectation of silence and fear.
This still leaves unanswered questions. How to not be freaked by choice. By the choice of one idea to the cost of thousands.
The question of what I will make. I guess it will look like what I usually make. But I want to start a journey that relies less on strategy and second guessing what I should do and more on a driving sense of purpose and genuine enquiry.
This may mean that what I make to start does not meet my expectations. I have to be ok with that. That why im writing it here as a reminder.
And where will my work take me, what kind of voice will i have and where will it take me.
This path requires that I am ok with whatever destination. I may even end up in the one I want. It may even be that I had nothing to worry about. I am hopeful but still afraid.
I am still battling my ego. The thing that has decided what kind of success is acceptable for me. A success that I know in part I desire to be seen to have achieved.
A deeper more authentic success is well within my reach but will i choose self fulfilment over an appearance of acceptance into the world that I feel compelled to achieve.
right now I honestly dont know. And what is funny is I know that one of those choices could help me toward both goals.
thank you to Chantal, Louise and Helga for the coaching and support. This clarity that I am reaching has been hard won.