19.5.2014 – loosening my grip
Allowing myself the space to respond and react in a less structured or even inhibited way when making and thinking about painting is proving to be productive and relatively joyful. In attempting to observe the “patterns that connect” ( thank you Andy Parkinson) I hope to ,over a longer period, find out something about myself.
This process feels opposed to vehemently sticking to a pre constructed position or statement while creating a body of work. Allowing myself to not know the answers and to let the process of painting help me ask a question of myself and my understanding. To not have the answers or to admit that one never really did is both frightening and liberating. to make work without censorship and inhibition or to be constrained by a sense of what a “serious” artist looks like and more importantly by what the people who’s opinion I value may or may not think.
One noticeable difference is that I now find myself constantly alert and excited by new trains of thought. By making connections from one subject to another and letting serendipity and chance guide my choices there is now abundance of opportunity where before there was a baron and confined path.
thoughts and notions do come and go and drift like mist though. I want to try and capture them.
from dark to light, masculine to feminine.
Primal fears and urges, the id, the basement.
Meetings at night in nature. Gatherings, erotic, spiritual, religious, pagan. Woods, forests, pockets of wilderness.
Exposure, erotic game playing, voyeurism. Back to nature, release, shedding the contemporary, reconnecting with the land with nature, with our animal selves. Amateur pornorgraphy, nudists. Normal people, bigger, older more real.
Celebration. My relationship with the country side. Association with a sense of magic and wonder. ” a bustle in you hedgerow” led zeppelin, lord of the rings. Local landscape and urban nature, unofficial country side by Richard Mabey. Observing nature in detail. The canal side. the hedgerow. Nature as symbol Graham sutherland and john piper, archaic systems and rhythms. Placing myself beyond the immediate, in a bigger context.
legends folklore, fairies, the secret commonwealth, combining pretty ness and animal behaviours. Fairie sex.
Gardens, tamed nature, man made havens, secrecy, flowers and foliage. My relationship with the a notion about femininity. Revisiting cross dressing and its motivations. Gardens and nature used in very feminine photography, editorials, prettiness. A mystery, a magic of another world that is not available to me. Coming from and living where I do. Fabrics and perfumes, gentleness and safety. Away from the alpha competitiveness of men.
obsessivess, fetishisation of clothing , tights, legs, feet. floral fabrics take on both erotic a emotional connotations. psychology, archetypes, jung.
witches, goddesses, sirens, mesmerising. mysterious. Catalogue hyper reality, hyper feminine , obscure pornographic images, people indulging in ambiguous erotic behaviours, games, rituals, dares. Heightened states.
Seers, those seeing more than the average person, like birds seeing more of the spectrum than us. Those that saw fairies or sensed magic were thought of as being more perceptive, more sensitive. Robert kirk. before being demonised , witch hunts.
amongst the noise of the modern world , images of nature even in fashion editorial pull at us and seduce with there perfection.
I am drawn to them as I am drawn to erotic images and the reactions are complex contradictory and in parallel.
An internal condition, our animality,
” mimicry preceding comprehension; from there a little darkness grows” Devin Johnson , Creaturely.